Dear Diary,

It's been a year since I last wrote an entry. I just want to write something today at 2:40 am. I feel so down, sad, inadequate-all the unwanted emotions and feelings you can imagine. I know, I'm so blessed to have my daughter and I have a job etc. but postpartum depression is REAL. I am easily disappointed at myself for a lot of things even though I am doing my best to be the best mom for my daughter. I am disappointed for losing myself in the process-gaining weight, forgetting my life's purpose, missing out on a lot of things, feeling ugly and failing to take care of myself. I just want my old self back. It's like I feel guilty for feeling this way because as a mom you must think less of yourself and more of your child. 

Anyways, I just want to vent out my feelings and there's no other way I can express myself than through my blog. This post is so random. I just figured, I have a friend in you. hehe I actually have friends but I just don't want to bother them with petty stuff. 

I also want someone whom I can talk to with ease. I want someone who can handle intelligent conversations, deep & meaningful. Not shallow and nonsensical topics. God help me. This is just so selfish,I know. 

GTG.